Shortlist for Literary Review’s 2012 Bad Sex in Fiction Award

  • The Yips by Nicola Barker
  • The Adventuress by Nicholas Coleridge
  • Infrared by Nancy Huston
  • Rare Earth by Paul Mason
  • Noughties by Ben Masters
  • The Quiddity of Will Self by Sam Mills
  • The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine
  • Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe

I am torn between The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox

In seconds the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of Hohenzollern Castle. ‘Give me no quarter,’ he commanded. ‘Lay it on with all your might.’

and Raine’s The Divine Comedy (certainly not to be confused for Dante’s version!)

And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to lick. Right on the shoulder.

You can read other excerpts here.

J. K. Rowling made the news for not appearing on the Review’s shortlist. Her first post-Harry Potter novel had this little gem:

He retained a memory of her bare pink vulva; it was as though Father Christmas had popped up in their midst… he forced his way inside her, determined to accomplish what he had come for… Krystal moaned a little. Her head thrown back, her nose became broad and snout-like.

Can there not be an honorable mention for putting vulva and Father Christmas in the same sentence?